I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
