he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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