how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
