well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
