Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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