Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
