Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
