i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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