god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
