So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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