don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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