guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I could make wine with my vomit
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
