my soul wont recognize me after tonight
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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