I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
