What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
