if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
