He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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