I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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