I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
