I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
