I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
