literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
