I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
