Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
