I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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