I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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