I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he thought i was a dude.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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