You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
