Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
