haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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