Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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