Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
