My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Mom said you looked used
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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