dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
