She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it because I queefed?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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