Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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