i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
