bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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