sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
