He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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