I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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