I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
