Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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