like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
