so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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