So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
