Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
