sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
