They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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