I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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