this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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